Friday, October 16, 2009

Early Holiday Shopping:
Today's Trash - Tomorrow's Gifts

As the holiday season approaches, any mail-order catalog that can find it's way to your house will end up in your mailbox. They all try and sell us meats, cheeses, candy, and the finest products available that you just can't pick up in your local Wal-Mart. I was leafing through one of these fine publications and thought I'd share with you some very special items that you might want to add to your shopping list this Christmas season!

Item #385-72-11726 Sheriff's Gun Knife I'm not saying that if you are into NASCAR than you would want this knife, but what I am saying is that if you want this knife than you also enjoy a good NASCAR race. Exactly what sheriff carries this gun knife? For that matter, who carries a gun knife? I suppose it's for the fella who wants to hold up a liquor store and make the clerk think, "Is he going to shoot me or stab me!?" If you're robbing a liquor store with this beauty that you didn't read the fine print; the catalog says this gun knife is For Decorative use only. What a bummer! Now $9.99

Item #385-72-12270 Pole Dancer Alarm Clock Tucked between the Nativity Music Box on page 29 and the Disney Princess Hideaway Tent over on page 42 is this lovely item. "A pole dancer twirls around the pole to music and flashing lights. What a way to wake up!" says the catalog. The photograph of the clock also suggests that you'll be saving money by not going to a strip joint. I'm wondering if anyone who would have this alarm clock would really have anywhere to get up and be every morning!? Now $19.99

Item #385-18-74053 5-Pc. Presidential Knife Set I'm not saying that if you are into NASCAR than you would want this knife set, but what I am saying is that if you are into NASCAR and fun facts about the leaders of our nation than you will most certainly want this knife set! How many times have you been carving you and your girlfriend's initials into a tree and wondered what hat size Eisenhower wore. Now thanks to modern technology, it's possible to have the best of both worlds! You might not be able to make it out in the picture here, but the Presidents names are beautifully presented in the ever popular Comic Sans MS font. only $12.99

Item #385-76-12541 Cat Tote and Umbrella Set We all know someone who would really like a cat umbrella and it's probably safe to assume that that person is not on your Christmas shopping list. only $14.99

Item #385-16-15787 Wolf Coverlet First of all, since when was "coverlet" a word? Second, I'm sure these sheets are a delightful way to unwind after an exciting evening of watching the latest WWE pay-per-view event. only $19.99

Oh, I hope Santa is reading this! Fingers crossed!

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