Wednesday, August 11, 2010

30 Theatrical Obscurities

Here's the follow up to the other day's repost of movies that I've seen in the theatre that nobody else has. Some of the movies on this list you've probably heard of before, but you don't know somebody who paid good money to sit in a dark theatre and watch `em!

The Phantom (1996) - I honestly don't remember anything about this movie except that it's based on an old radio show, we got free Phantom rings when we saw it, and it's probably the only time anyone has gone to see a movie staring Billy Zane.

Godzilla 2000 (1999) - Part of the late 90's trend of tacking on "2000" to your movie title a year or so before the turn of the millennium...I'm a hero in my kid's eyes because I saw this in the theatre. We recently watched it and they fell in love with Godzilla. They are already making me promise them that I'll take them to the next Godzilla movie that comes out.

Recess: School's Out (2001) - This was actually a pretty decent animated movie based on a TV show that I've never seen once.

Doug's First Movie (1999) - This is another decent animated movie based on a TV show, except I had seen the Doug TV show before. This will go down in my history books as the most expensive movie ticket I ever paid for because I made my friend run a red light on the way to the theatre. A few weeks later he got a ticket in the mail and I felt it only right to pay the fine. But in my defense it was Doug's first movie!

The King and I (1999) - Back when I had to see anything animated released to a movie theatre, this was pure kiddie crap and I'm quite sure I slept through 90% of it.

Wing Commander (1999) - I've been told that I was in such a deep sleep during this unbelievably horrible film that I couldn't even be awakened to walk out of the movie half way through it.

Drive Me Crazy (1999) - The big screen debut of Melissa Joan Hart! I was so there!

Meet The Deedles (1998) - One of the great works by master thespian Paul Walker, here he plays one of a duo of brothers who save the Prairie Dog population of Yellowstone Park by teaching them how to surf. Good stuff!

The Beautician and The Beast (1997) - Ah, who can forget when the world was in a Fran Dresher craze. We loved her so much she got her own movie...with Timothy Dalton in it even! My attendance at this film was based on the selection process of least objectionable film playing at the second run theatre on a Saturday night. (I wonder what we passed up!?)

Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997) - Everybody saw the first Power Rangers movie opening night, right!? But only a select few saw the sequel a few years later, which was actually pretty good.

McHale's Navy (1997) - I admit, I was on a bit of a Tom Arnold kick for a while. I'm pretty sure this completely humorless film put the final nail in the coffin of my T.A. fandom.

The Trigger Effect (1996) - This was a pretty intense yarn about what would happen if the whole country lost electricity. Good movie, but after I walked out of the theatre I never heard a single thing about this movie ever again.

The Stupids (1996) - Oh Tom Arnold, how much money did I spend on your movies?

Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Movie (1996) - A movie based on a TV show about people watching movies. Saw it!

Barb Wire (1996) - Not only did I see this Pam Anderson snooze fest of an action pic, I saw it at a critic's screening at 9:30 in the morning. That's a special memory, my friends!

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996) - Again, why do I go see movies based on shows I've never seen!

House Arrest (1996) - This movie is good as nuts, where Jamie Lee Curtis and Kevin Pollack get locked in the basement by their kids and the kids don't let them out until they stop fighting and promise not to get divorced. And then other kids in the neighborhood bring their parents over and they are all locked in the basement. Man, that's a good film!

Joe's Apartment (1996) - A movie based on an MTV station ID featuring singing cockroaches...that has ME written all over it, doesn't it?

New York Minute (2004) - After years of following Mary-Kate and Ashley on their various direct-to-video adventures where they traveled to different countries and met boys and tried on clothes, I was all about a big screen outing for the sisters Olson. What it turned out to be was 90 laugh unfilled minutes of lame reasons and excuses to get the girls wet and/or semi-nude. Sounds like a sure-fire recipe for a great film, but it somehow didn't work!

The Substitute (1996) - I have a pretty good memory when it comes to my film going experiences, but I really wish I remember the chain of events that led me into a theatre to watch a Tom Berenger thriller.

Spawn (1997) - Again, why?

Mimic (1997) - I believe I was attracted by the one-two punch of Mrs. Mira Sorvino and Mr. Charles S. Dutton.

Jerky Boys: The Movie (1995) - Here's the thing, I'm not a fan of The Jerky Boys. You remember them, they made prank phones calls and released them on CD. Anywho, not only was I one of the 9 people who ever saw this in the theatre, I also ended up seeing them live in concert. The concert was way worse than the movie...and the movie was pretty freakin' bad!

Dice Rules (1991) - My first NC-17 movie.

National Lampoon's Senior Trip (1995) - This was back when the National Lampoon name meant something!

Ernest Rides Again (1993) - The 5th Ernest film, and the last one to get a theatrical release. I hung in there with Ernest all the way to the end! RIP Ernest, knowhutImean!?

Mannequin 2: On the Move (1991) - There are two types of people in this world: those who liked the first Mannequin and those who liked the second one better...I fall into the later category.

Lobster Man From Mars (1989) - I saw a movie...in a real movie theatre...called Lobster Man From Mars. Think about that for a while.

Drive-In Double Feature: Free Willy 2 & Under Siege 2 (1995) You read that right.

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