Finally, One Of My Kids Toys Is A Safety Hazzard

If you ever take the time to look, you'll notice that toy companies recall an awful lot of their own products. Every time I see that something we have is recalled, further investigation reveals we don't have one of the affected products. Which I realize is good news, but honestly the prospect of getting a new version of one of our toys for free just sounds too good to pass up. During the big lead paint scare a few years ago we had several items that appeared on the list. But after checking teeny tiny production codes on the bottom of toys, it turned out only a little Thomas The Tank Engine train was recalled. The kids were past their Thomas stages, so I just threw the very unuseful engine in the trash. A while back I noticed that some Big Wheels were recalled including a Go Diego Go bike. I dug our bike out of the garage and checked it against the instructions on the company's website and sure enough - our Diego bike (along with several Barbie and Dora bikes) has caused some genital bleeding for a few unfortunate children. It turns out that a little pretend ignition key near the handle bars sticks out a little too much causing some discomfort for children who bounce forward from their seat. ...And by discomfort I mean Genital Bleeding!

Genital bleeding?! That's way more exciting than boring ol' lead paint from China. Better yet, unlike every other recall - Mattel wasn't asking for proof that you had the bike. If you requested the Safety Recall Repair Kit they'd send it to you at no charge! Oh, we're in!

A few weeks later a box urgently marked Safety Recall Notice appeared in our mailbox. The contents of the box were a few slips of paper instructing you how to repair your genital snagging bike (in English and Spanish - Thank you Diego!) and a replacement for the offending key. The box was big enough to ship two Homicide: Life on The Streets Complete Series DVD sets, yet they could have gotten away with shipping a small padded envelope.

The blue key pictured above is the older key that needed to be replaced. It's approximately one inch longer than the new grey key they shipped. The new key is a neutral color, I suppose so it could also go onto Barbie or Dora's bike which I would also assume are either pink or purple. It seems like alot of time and money went into correcting this issue. Perhaps it would have been easier for Mattel to just issue a statement recommending the bike not be enjoyed by well-endowed children.

Here's Tanner enjoying all the fun of turning the new grey key on his Go Diego Go bike while traversing the countryside confident in the security and comfort of knowing that his genitals are free from risk of internal injury. Go Diego Go!