Happy Valentine's Day, Ya'll!

Oh, Mrs. Britney Spears! How far you've come from your early days as innocent jail bait to your role today as international insane lunatic! No matter how looney she is, I found these Valentines funny in 2000 and they are still funny to this day. They're just random publicity shots of Britney with "Happy Valentine's Day" stamped on them. How creative! Anyhow, going back to the year 2000, I'm sure my Vietnamese neighbors didn't know what the heck was going on when I scotch taped a handful of these Valentines to the front door of my apartment!

Happy Valentine's Day

Here's some more old Valentine's Day cards I dug up on the internets.

Back in the day, we were all connected by one common bond: Super Mario Bros! Who didn't love that game!? And look...Mario wants to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day too. He and his little mushroom buddy are carrying that big mushroom, just for you...while they are standing in....puddles!?! Also notice that this box comes with "two bonus cards on back." You always gave those lame cut-out cards to the two people you liked least in your class. You still gave them a Valentine - for political reasons - but deep down inside you knew their friendship was only worth a "cut-out" Valentine.

This is a great box of Shirt Tales Valentines because it features the characters from the TV show and not the lame Hallmark Cards version of the Shirt Tales where they are all artsy looking. This is the real deal right here. This package even has a card for second season cast addition Kipper the Kangaroo (bottom right.) Opposite her in the bottom left card you can catch a glimpse of Digger dressed in a coyboy outfit. That' just about one of the gayest things I've ever seen, but nonetheless you would have been scoring some big points handing out these bad boys back in 1984.

And speaking of some great TV shows, let's not forget a little show we like to call DARKWING DUCK. In fact, if these cards had come out at any other time in my life except when I was college freshman I just might have brighten up a few ladies days with a Darkwing Duck Valentine! Up top there ya got bad-guy Megavolt wishing you to "Have a Megavolt Day!" Thanks for the creativity on that one. And who can forget StealBeak down at the other end of the top row. Get it? It says "Don't 'Fowl Up'"...and he's a big chicken! That's good stuff.

There used to be a time when little girls looked up to Brintey Spears. That was before Britney used to go around town showing her babymakerto anyone who's been issued a set of eyeballs. It's too bad we'll never see 'Britney & Kevin' Valentines, but then again, we can always dream can't we!?

And here he is....my boy ALF!These Alf Valentines are awesome in every way you can imagine! Anyone who gave me an ALF Valentine could be my sweetheart for the day. If there is one way to a man's heart, it's ALF!

Valentines Ahoy!

I'm learning to appreciate the cheap, crappy box of kids Valentines as a true American art form. Here's some images of Valentines that I dug up on the Internet, starting with Ziggy. What the heck is Ziggy anyway!? Was anyone ever a real big Ziggy fan? Yet, this little dude is celebrating his 35th anniversary this year!? That's 35 years of questioning signs, interpreting the word of the Lord, and taking care of the 72 different pets Ziggy apparently owns. I don't recall ever laughing a Ziggy comic strip and that's saying something because I can remember a time when Garfield was funny. For me, Ziggy's greatest triumph was a 1982 Christmas special called ZIGGY'S GIFT. But Ziggy somehow seems at home on a Valentine, maybe it's because he's already got his pants off! Ah, Ziggy. Will you ever win?



First of all, I always find merchandising based on a person a funny concept. However, if you were to get your hands on a box of Crocodile Hunter cards (and I'm sure you could at a dollar store) and pass them out today you wouldn't get to many chuckles. In fact, that would just be in down right poor taste, which is why I'm sure someone somewhere is going to do that and get themselves a couple of days detention. But seriously, what more says "I Love You" then wildlife conservation!?




What young'n wouldn't want to find a Valentine with their favorite NASCAR driver tucked inside their heart decorated lunch bag taped to the side of their desk? I bet you'd be the most popular kid at Roy Acuff Elementary if you passed out these Jeff Gordon Flashy Foil Valentines. Unless, of course, someone else in your class was giving out Rusty Wallace scratch `n sniff Valentines.




Now, I actually get the Jeff Gordon Valentines, I mean those little trailer park kids just love them some NASCAR, but was any kid really jumping up and down for joy when his mom bought him a box of Ken Griffey Jr. Valentines!?! Last time I checked, they already had cheap little cards with baseball player's pictures on them...they're called Baseball Cards!




And from the "Where Are They Now" department we have a box of Popples Valentines. Do you even remember Popples? They kind of came at the end of the Shirt Tales-Care Bears-Strawberry Shortcake-Rainbow Brite wave of characters in the 80's. They were little creatures who could roll themselves up into little balls and bounce all over the place. When there were in non-ball form they could pull stuff out of their little pouches like party hats and ping pong tables! The Popples TV cartoon was pure brilliance! I would have flipped out if I had gotten a Popples Valentine back in the day!?

Anyone out there still have some of their old Valentines?